When there is Hope....

In my last blog, I had written and I reiterate that most successful revolutions are bourgeoisie led either petite or grand. But at the same time, I had shown great pessimism about the Indian middleclass really shelving their mall lolling weekend plan, eschewing the evening drink with friends to participate in a movement with a missionary zeal.

But over the past few days, what I see happening had proven my gravely wrong, yet I am happy. My shaken faith in the Indian middle class, my misplaced perception of their priorities, my lack of understanding of their longing and desire to live in a country that moves away from chaos to at least a semblance of orderliness and conceive a system that works were all addressed in one go, when I saw the sea of humanity on the streets sloganeering in support of a seventy four year old self effacing person taking on the powers that be, for the cause of change.

I am also very happy that the revolution is led by a Marathi mother tongued Hindi speaking simpleton and the English educated/speaking socialites who in 64 years of independence are so wont to hypocritically championing and hijacking seemingly social issues, are conspicuously absent from the scene. So I see no Suhel Seths on TV or in the arena where the action is. No Arundhati Roy’s expressing the extremely contrarian views, or Shobha De’s waxing eloquent. These Indian by birth, western by aspiration people are little bit left out of the movement.

Another fringe benefit of Annas movement is the dumping of the motor mouth Manish Tiwari the congress spokesperson. I found him most sophomoric and shamelessly blatant. His tribe now growing, believes, by their verbal adroitness, they can deny and dismiss even the most obvious. They play on the fact that public memory is short-lived. This tribe is of spokespersons. Then there are some self appointed spokespersons like Dig Vijay Singh. They also have been temporarily extinguished. You don’t hear him. Kapil Sibal, another, koi farak nahin padta type politician has egg on his face. I love the sheepish smirk that he has on his face these days. These tacticians or even strategists failed their political masters; they failed to catch the pulse of the people; they kept faltering and falling in pits dug by their ownselves.

Fear these Furrows

Zero Resistance

It was the 13^th century, when the first attempt was made by the western world to reign in the absolutism of the kings who drew power from the theory of the divine rights of kings. This attempt appeared in Latin and not English in the form of the magna charta or the ‘great charter’ conceived by the feudality to restrain the powers of King John. I am sure, there were checks and balances to power of the kings even before the charta, but that was the time of the republics of Greeko-roman empires.

In India, the systems contemporaneous to the Greeko-Roman were quite evolved, and Kautilya clearly enunciated “Sahayya Sadhyam Rajatwan chakram ekam na vartate” – which meant that the king and council are the two wheels of the cart and the cart cannot move on one. So the council exercised restraint on the King.

The Magna Carta ( the ‘h’ got dropped somewhere down the line ) inspired many chaptalized versions of world constitutions, including some of the best in the world like the American or the Indian, and may be even the Aussie and Kiwi as well.

In that backdrop, it intrigues me no end, that today, in the same India, the democratically elected representatives of the people are toiling overnight to obstruct any public scrutiny or accountability which the Lokpal Bill may bring into the system.

I hear, that the Lokpal bill has been pending for 50 years. Parliament after parliament has, though not so inscrutably, glossed over the bill administering a peaceful demise – holus bolus – to the bill as it could have checkmated the systematized devouring of the tax payer’s money and the methodical loot of the state exchequer.

Exemplary means are used making my home state of UP the hub of innovative corruption. The latest in the litany of scams in UP is in health care, where few CMOs have even lost their life. Crores of central grant is being fraudulently siphoned off into pockets of a chosen few. The usual story. The next steps predictably being an enquiry commission, a judicial probe, 10 years of down time, and a report that my not clearly indict anyone - the powerful perpetuate their power and the loot continues unabated.

Stupor and slumber and archetypical armchair yellow journalism. These being the hallmark of Indian media, it takes an Anna to bring back focus to such a crucial legislation.

The government which today is so inimical to the Lokpal, will not be so, should it be allowed to bring its own moth eaten, watered down and toothless version of the bill, create an investigative agency Lokpal et al but keep it subservient to its whimsical mandarins, manipulate and manoevre it for political priorities just like it does to the CBI.

The problem is far deeper though. It is not only about an obstructionist government inimical to a bill that could bring all its actions under perpetual scrutiny of an institution whose probity would be taken for granted. It is about the people. Today there is a general rot in the society.

The people who vote are not educated enough - and here we should distinguish education with literacy - for exercising their right to franchise in right prudence. In south for example, usually people vote for dole. Any party promising a color TV would garner more votes than one promising a black and white one. What then will become of a democracy? This poll for dole community could be as much as 300 million strong. It is not that dole does not exist outside of India. In many western countries, social security exists which if withdrawn can create a havoc. See London and Burmingham. People are used to live on state benefits, unemployment stipends, free medical care etc. So India is not unique.

The middle class, or the bourgeoisie as many would like to call it, and both the haute bourgeoisie and the petite bourgeoisie is usually the class that spear heads a revolution. Any social scientist would easily testify to this. Once instigated, the rest of society joins in, the lower classes bring it critical mass and an element of universality and invincibility, and the so called elite, some visibility. The problem is that Indian bourgeoisie is still engrossed in enjoying the newly found freedom of higher disposal incomes. Their favorite pastime is snacking while watching cricket on TV front or lolling in the malls. Today it is not so concerned about taking serious and affirmative action curb corruption.

Nonetheless, it is true that the middle class is sick of corruption and they discuss and debate on this issue for hours on end. This somewhat lackadaisical attitude of the Indian bourgeoisie encourages politicians, granting them, their sycophants and the bureaucracy some sort of immunity.

But we all know, that the Government if fighting a losing battle against Anna and it is a matter of time that the right now apparently unconscionable bourgeoisie will stand up to resurrect a revolution that will be unstoppable and that will be the time when such bills will sail through with zero resistance.

Gain position of Strength

Technology is the key to winning wars. The capability of winning wars is the key to effective diplomatic posturing. If you have military capability backing you, your diplomatic manoeuvres gain far greater legitimacy.

Germany’s early gains in the WWII were due to the iron that they melted to make tanks and other armoured vehicles and even planes. Hitler commissioned the Luftwaffe. But this aeroplane squadron still could not overrun Britain, though this time the English Channel that protected Britain even from the Napoleonic avarice could not have protected Britain from the brute air power of the Germans. It was the discovery of the Radar, which gave Britain the strategic capability to defend its territory against aerial attacks.

Interestingly, it was the Radar invented by Watson Watt that protected Britian from the Luftwaffe. Yes, Watson belonged to same family as the inventor of steam engines – James Watt. Sometimes, the almighty gives too much to just some and too less to many. Seems that the Watt family was one such example.

It is well established that the best inventions have been prompted by military mandate or the compulsions of war. The internet is one example. Infact, a bewildered Britain, toiling hard not to supplicate before the brute German advance, set the pace for the discovery of computers, by designing a machine that could break the German code. The code that they used for internal communication.

The Jet engines were also discovered during the same period, surprising by-standers who watched in bewilderment the flight of an aeroplane without propellers. Whittles invention of Jets of course did put the propellers made by Rolls Royce in disuse, yet it brought in a new paradigm in flight technology.

It is just child logic, if a cop comes to you with a begging bowl in hand, you would never listen. Whereas, some advanced countries have a police very polite and highly sensitized to the needs of the people, yet, their uniform has symbols of power and authority, sometimes even arms, that gives them a legitimacy.

Due to the criminal neglect of armament and technology the regional hegemony that India could have enjoyed by now, by its sheer size and the traction of its economy is lost. In the ‘60s the military might of India and China was pretty much at par. Similarly, though we continue to enjoy superiority over Pakistan in conventional weaponry, they have more than offset that advantage by creating a significant nuclear arsenal. But, corruption and more than that, the traditional rivalry between the brass and bureaucracy has damaged the fine balance that was supposed to exist. In this the bureaucracy is the clear winner but the country is the clear loser. Defence is a priority area even in spending, and the babu cannot deny Defence expenditure, so he delays it. He though establishes his over arching dominance on the brass but in the process the country loses. But who cares.

America comes again

The Americans come again

Hillary is back in India just in months of her boss visiting and acclaiming India as a great emerging power. Clearly, those who matter in the US, know it too well, any recovery in USA is at best temporary. The current generation in the US is not that of builders. You need a different stuff for that. A crop grows on a particular soil in a particular season. The maintainers follow and those who reap or enjoy are basically the destroyers of the crop. One man cannot don all three hats. It is only God who can don all three hats at the same time, of the builder or creator, maintainer and destroyer and that is probably why we believe in the Triumverate of Brahma, Vishnu and Mahesh.

The US economy is in shambles, and the nation lacks the builders, and needs partners to boost it. India could be one such enduring partner. So she is here again. A wee bit of praise for India, and an askance criticism of Pakistan, does the trick for the emotional Indian, willing to work over time for American attention, and our media, which drools over such slices of journalism.

But regardless of what Hilary’s covert or overt intentions of her India visit were, it seems, she has an Indian mother who seeks vindication in feeding her well. Her full cheeks at least bear eloquent testimony to that.

I had a personal theory that those you are glib of tongue are gaunt intellectually but both Hillary and Obama consistently defy my self-proclaimed stereotype.

I heard Obama address our Parliament and even wrote about it. I also heard his address to the people of Ireland, where one of his ancestors were traced to. The cliché notwithstanding, his speeches were extremely well informed flawlessly rendered without demur, and with an articulation nothing less than immaculate.

But while extolling strengths of this great civilization – it is always safer to call India that than a country or nation - the undertone of Obama’s speech was clear. Do business with USA, and do those businesses that create jobs in the USA.

How many Indian politicians including our pedagogic PM Manmohan Singh, can address the US Senators without a shred of paper in hand, and solicit business the manner in which Obama and Hillary have been repeatedly doing. Sometimes I feel, a pussy footed nation of pacifists that we are, making ourselves economically strategic partners of powerful nations could be the only strategy to position an economically resurgent India at a pedestal of strength and also and this may also be our antidote to terror exporting Pakistani nuisance.

I remember a friend of mine who was posted in a Latin country describe the non descript encounter that he had with the President of India when she visited that Latin Country with an extended family in tow enjoying a state sponsored free jaunt, and of course an official entourage of flunkies that could put the erstwhile Maharajas to shame. And all this not withstanding her interaction with the Indian diaspora was most uninspiring and insipid and all of them there walked out bewildered how India works with such lack-lustre, nay, lost and seemingly without purpose politicians.

THE X MEN

The X-Men

There is a growing obsession of Hollywood with the weird and wonky which is creating an all-together new genre in Hollywood movie making. I saw the movie X-Men. ‘Mutants’ as they say, was the exalted subject on which this movie was based. People genetically different from normal and having the X-gene that bestows on them some type of super human capability. A 20^th Century Fox creation of Marvel Comics.

It seems Hollywood has run out of themes. Regardless of what international critics say about Bollywood, I think they make very good movies and regardless of the fun the some people make about the song and dance sequences of the Bollywood movies, I think they are still a major source of entertainment for a substantial section of homo sapiens which tread this plant. The complexion of their movies too is changing though as the multiplex audience is now a major revenue source, and describably more wannabe than the erstwhile cine goers.

Indian movies seem to be acquiring a larger reach and greater impact also. Times have travelled beyond the popularity of Raj Kapoor socialist films and Avara Hoon melodies in the communist world. Traveling in the London cab, a cabbie once asked me if I was a Thakur, taking a cue from my family name. It turned out that he had seen the film Sholay many times over. Sholay indeed portrayed a significant panorama of Indian life.

Another immigrant who was from Iran in his considered opinion believed Bollywood movies always carried a message - something I would not disagree with. Sholay too promoted widow re-marriage – a taboo still in much of India. Therefore, Bollywood’s were the only movies this Iranians daughters, brought up in orthodoxy were allowed to view – for the good message. Indian pop cinema was making a dent though in a fashion at best desultory.

If you would take the theme of mutants, then X men is a stupid movie. I think the Ramanand Sagar was much more creative than Stan Lee. Ramayana is much better take on the concept of Mutants. Albeit, true that Sagar can at best be credited with depiction. The original creation of our holy mutants predated Sagar by only 5000 years. And Sagar just took the rights free of charge as the content was open source. I don’t intend any irreverence whatsoever to the Ramanyana, which I can say with certitude is one of the greatest epics of the world, I can aver with even greater certitude that Valmiki or who ever the creator was, clearly leaps ahead of Homer, but speaking specifically on the aspect of mutants, I think it beats the creativity of Stan Lee hands down.

But it is clear, much of the Hollywood mega budget creativity like AVATAR or X Men are over rated. But the power of the media is such and muscle of money and propaganda is so potent that audiences are scared to criticize or even objectively judge. They are impelled to like and lap up the product even though they may not have internalized its import so much.

In fact, in the mutants that constantly dot our mythology have something that Stan Lees mutants grievously lack, that is bestowing their power by transposition on some faithful subject by way of a boon or blessing. Stan Lees or Bryan Singer imagination falls short of this. But there is time for them to catch up.

NO TITLE

Well my involvement is only from the fringes. The main battle is being fought and brunt borne by my father and of course some of my friends are supporting him.

Sons like me make parents lament for daughters. I leave my parents alone always to fend for themselves. I was not there when my mother's arm was being operated upon or when my aunt, more than a mother to me was operated upon. Although, they do well themselves. They are resourceful and well connected and I can at best be only a moral support. But that too is difficult to come by from me.

So if my father’s fight to protect our ancestral land from encroachments was again something that I let him handle on his own, it is no surprise. I am too engrossed in my work. What else can I say. I will not admit - I am not concerned.

But there was some queer learning in all this turmoil that I am a witness to from the periphery. The land records being used and followed are pretty much of Akbar’s time. Yes I am talking of the medieval Mughal ruler, who many historians treat eponymous with medieval greatness, though my view is a little different on this subject. I would reserve comments on this issue for another time.

The old records are still in Urdu and Persian and have not been transcripted. The method used to maintain is that which was started by Todar Mal Srivastava the Raja of Sitapur - even today a district near Lucknow in UP - one of the Nav Ratnas. That, the accuracy or integrity of the method is not questionable is true, yet, the integrity or venality of revenue officers clearly questionable.

The biswa and Bigha system has its complications though. Todar Mal was a very intelligent man. Usually the people of his community are literate and educated. The kayasthas as they are called claim descent from Chitragupta. Though some sociologist believe they are sat-shudras. Some believe they were Brahmins who showed allegiance to the muslim rulers and were therefore relegated to the position of Kayasthas, and not allowed to be a part of the hallowed caste Brahmins.

Akbar had asked Todar Mal to device a system incomprehensible to common man. So Todar Mal, to avoid a blot on his escutcheon, devised a complex system. He informed Akbar that he had set the metrics at 99 so that making a quarter will be complex for most people. If it were 100, dividing by 4 would be simple.

The Todar Mal’s system was followed by the British and it was only post 80’s that the government decided to eschew the remnants of this medievalism and change to the metric system. The outcome is to be seen.

HOW MUCH WOULD BUCKINGHAM BUCKLE

Buckingham’s woeful timetable of apologies

Today the queen of England placed a wreath on the memorial of martyrs of Irish freedom struggle, and also observed silence at stadium where the British soldier killed many Irish people. The same stupid queen and her most inane son, wanted to skip the visit Amritsar to avoid the Jalianwala controversy and of course refused to apologize.

The British parliament believed that such an apology would serve no purpose. Just for those who don’t refer to history so much, Dyer wanted to revenge the attack on two English ladies and as a consequence ordered firing on an unarmed assembly of people that too on Baisakhi, which is a very important festival in the Indian and particularly the Sikh calendar. As a result of the firing, official British estimates claim, 250 people died but the Indian estimates place the number at more than 1000. The number bungling has continued in India since the time of the British and the brown sahibs are still following the gora sahib strategy of manipulating statistics.

The bagh was once owned by Maharaja Ranjit Singh, and derives its name from Jalles clan that owned it.

Clearly Dyer was a cold blooded murderer. He was tried in Britain and … Painful to know, he went on record to say that “they deserved it”. Of course there was no remorse. The massacre was followed by martial law and a crawling order.

Sympathetic British public raised a purse of £20,000 for poor Dyer. The then Lt Gov of Punjab O Dwyer, condoned his action.

You can blame the Raj, Brig Gen Dyer, Elizabeth or Victoria or who ever. It is all about Indian character. I have always argued, it is all about Indian character. We lack national character. We have no concept of a nation. We lack pride. We don’t attribute too much to national honor. Caste and clan honor yes indeed. Dyer was a brute Britisher with false and exalted notion of duty toward the Union Jack. But the people who followed his orders and fired on the helpless crowd were all Indians. Did not one have the courage of conviction to refuse such an order.

Also, I would like a typical empathetic Indian, hate to call spade a spade and look at it from Elizabeth’s perspective. She has apologized to the Irish people. She apologized to the Maoris of New Zealand. One of our troupe apologized for the “stolen generation” of Australia. Blair apologized for potato famine of Ireland. Where does the poor woman’s woeful timetable of apologies end.

LIFE REVISITS YOU

Childhood was pretty much protected and sanitized. I was brought up supervised and chaperoned like a girl. My mother, off work hours and intermittent to examining patients would keep an eye on what my brother and I did. But at the same time, I was allowed freedom to grow. It was a delicate balance that my parents would achieve.

Of course, like any child would, it was normal for me to detest the third eye following me at all times. More so because, most of my friends came from creolized families where the traditional mores were somewhat diluted to levels of practicality and convenience and that what was western was sometimes quite desirable.

One occasion that I do recall, when I was in class IX, my class organized a trip to a movie. It was IKT ( Insaaf ka Tarazoo). I was not allowed to go. My mother believed the theme was stupid and scenes vulgar. Though, she had not seen it herself. Then another movie was planned. This time it was a largely innocuous family movie of Amol Palekar. I was again denied permission to go with my class, as watching too many movies was not indicative of good upbringing.

In those years, spending time with class mates out of school in party clothes was too much of a charm to stay away from. The dejection from the denial was perhaps too much for me to hide and out of sheer pity, I was allowed to join my class. But there was a caveat - I would be accompanied by my grandparents – the third eye and of course my younger brother, who like an appendage accompanied me to all my outings. I was happy about my brother and never grudged it. But the grandparents stuff was very embarrassing.

Trust me, if you would ask me today, my grandfather, an educationist, bureaucrat, and man of great erudition is one who I admire most in my family. But, that is today. Then, I was if not ashamed, at least very apologetic about my grandfather. His usual attire when he stepped out, was a black achkan (Indian tunic) and a churidar, and Gandhi cap. He drove a car as grand as him – a 30 year old Landmaster, the previous avatar of the ambassador. So this outing was no exception and he donned his achakan, churidar and Gandhi cap and with my grandmother in tow, the family strutted to watch the movie with the class. Of course, his attire got him special treatment, which he was quite used to and always expected.

But what mattered at that age was, what your friends think about you and particularly what the girls thought about you. And they did not find this normal. Particularly, when I was not a diminutive, under-confident and meek fellow shying away from facing the world.

But now when I am parent, I behave the same with my two sons, both bold and confident. Athletic. The only saving grace is that I did not force my wife to sit in the hall with them but park herself in the café outside the theatre for 3 hours while they watched a movie. Life revisits you in many ways.

POLITICIANS OF ALL HUES

One conclusion that I have reached after a lot of reading, analysis and social observation is - politicians everywhere are rotten breed. Many of my wiser friends arrived at this conclusion with much less diffidence than I did. Ingrained in the very nature of politics is the perpetuation of present hegemony, even if it calls for mortgaging the future. So, even when the good people enter politics, although they don’t eschew their good personal traits, but it is the arena or karma bhoomi that urges the behavior that eventually they show.

Look at what Mayawati is doing. The once most elite state of the country is in a shambles - non productive expenditure stupendously rising. She and her likes have presided on the decay of the state. Industry is shy of the state. She is building statues of Ambedkar at exorbitant costs, probably siphoning funds as well in the process, through trusted conduits and channels. The gain and game is incumbency, and the loss is state exchequer’s and what suffers is development for the future. Even though the statues don’t bring jobs to the Dalits, it does give their social being a sense of legitimacy.

Look at what Obama is doing. His country is wallowing in debt. Putting in simple terms, USA is so much in debt that the largest lender to them, that is China can buy them over or at least stake a claim to portion of their land. Or, if this were to happen in corporate world, China would have by now filed a winding up petition against USA. Curiously enough, even though the country is writhed in debt, growing unemployment, crashing real estate, collapsing banking system, and stock market that is moving sideways, Obama has doubled the aid to Pakistan, is leading the barrage against Gaddafi and perhaps will be the first to jump into the fray or Syria as well. So the American experimentalism with Pax Americana has not dwindled despite disastrous performance on social and economic parameters. Besides, all the wrangling and dirty politics over medicare, medicaid, social security and tax cuts is not hidden from the world.

Look at Japan, where for 24 hours post Tsunami, they could not reach meters to measure the radioactivity due to the leak from Fukoshima, and what the extent of leakage was only the best guess of the wise. Yet the ex-prime minister Hutoyama is busy conceiving a grand plot “Harmonious solidarity for the Grand Coalition to Tackle the Earthquake Disaster” to topple Mr Kan.

Look at Russia, corruption rife, mafia still ruling the commercial landscape, extreme poverty in segments still at large, and the geographical extremities like Chechnya and other republics still simmering, the kushti expert ok let me say Judo expert Putin is staging a grand comeback and this time for another 2 terms. His innovative scheme of demitting office and putting his protégé Medvedev whom he dandles on his knees, in his place keeping his seat warm for him to return in grand style is still the uber innovative way of perpetuating political power.

Let us look at the homunculus like French President Sarkozy, who struts around with a wife twice as tall and a confirmed exhibitionist. Instead of turning the country around he is focusing on populist issues like banning burka on public places. A predominantly catholic country will find comfort in banning the burka, but mind you, the burka clad people are coming from its own erstwhile colonies.

But politicians are elected by the people. So does that mean that the rot is down below as well.

PAX AMERICANA - AMERICAN INTERVENTIONISM

So in a single stroke, Uncle Sam bushwhacked both Osama and his patron state - Pakistan. In a curiously conceived stealth operation, USA killed the king pin of global terror, and also exposed beyond doubt the duplicity of Pakistan.

Pakistan is numbed, the hoi polloi in the street are discussing in hushed tones what hit them -a foreign power conducts a military operation right under their noses, exposes both their countries criminal complicity and also its helplessness against America’s military and financial might. To some there is sense of shame, to others, violation of their sovereignty, to a miniscule minority, justice done.

Today I received a joke via sms, no one is safe is Pakistan, not even Osama, everyone is safe in India, even Kasab. Sardonic, yet true. Sad yet undeniable.

Whereas, the purported purpose of this operation Geronimo was clearly weakening the “axis of evil” by liquidating the king pin of terror in his own bastion, the understanding of the timing could be interesting. The sagging popularity ratings of Obama would see a fillip.

In one of my previous blogs, I had mentioned that Americans like a papa and the mild mannered Obama has now proven beyond doubt that he can behave like a Papa. Poker faced he announced to his countrymen, the largest enemy of USA has been gunned down – “we got him”. He is a papa now, and no more a mama. And should he lighten his skin somehow, his second term is pretty much secured.

There is a stark difference between Indians and Americans. Much as Americans love their country immensely, Indians seem to be lacking the concept of a nation or country, but they for sure love their culture immensely.

History witnesses, despite the Vedas very clearly defining the land that constituted Jambu Dwipa ( Island of the Jamun Tree - the pre-vedic name of India, the name used to describe this land before Bharat - yet a territorial or geographical identification by its inhabitants of this nation is weak. Nonetheless, the cultural identification is excessively solid and strong.

One reason could be, that while territorial integrity of India though was defiled many times by foreign invaders the culture remained puritan and predominantly untouched. This was probably due to its assimilative nature of this culture. Since the culture defied definition all external influences were either shrugged off or assimilated. Yet the original form was maintained.

Tsunami of Corruption

Tsunami of Corruption

I go back to my favorite refrain. People get the governance they deserve. So actually we are getting what we deserve. The only problem is, we don’t wish to admit that this is what we deserve. Since a candid admission of a malaise is the first step toward a remedy, being in mode of chronic self denial, we never set ourselves to cure it.

Also, corruption is not unique to India. If there are few who believe there is none in USA, they are deluding themselves. I am not particularly a fan of Micheal Moor but I am indeed a believer of the old folk truth, that there is no smoke without fire. In fact I feel the colonial powers both old and new, are plagued kleptocracies, which systematically loot and ravage geographies. Can someone justify the American misadventure in Vietnam or the shameless ingression in Iraq for the ennobling cause of toppling a dictatorial regime or Afghanistan or even the apparently innocuous policy of turning a blind eye to Israeli “ nuclear ambivalence”, or continually funding Pakistan knowing fully well that such aide was being used to fuel anti India terror.

That Lincoln reshuffled some his top aides on charges of corruption, Watergate compelled Nixon to resign. The pursuing investigation of Watergate, exposed the Americans further. But clearly, all prevalent and pervasive corruption is peculiar to only some 3rd world countries. Clearly, it is symptomatic of dictatorial regimes, of banana republics and of communistic oligarchies. India is one unique example of a vibrant democracy plagued with rampant corruption.

On corruption in India, a history professor of mine used to joke, when a despot like Allauddin Khilji could not curb corruption, then no one can. Manmohan, you have an alibi. In India the ire has been, foreigners ruled far too long. May be 1000 years. Just about when the Muslim rulers were forgetting their foreign roots and were integrating with the civilization of the Ganges, they got replaced by British and the saga was retold. To the British, duping India and exploiting her resources and oppressing its people, was a their duty to the crown, and the underlying principle of colonial burden. A brazen and most depraved devouring of a land was clearly not corruption. It was an institutionalisation of corruption. In India there is lot of hypocrisy. At least the well meaning minions and mandarins, an ever dwindling miniscule minority thinks nothing less than bringing in Ram Rajya, knowing fully well, it is utopian and not practical. So the starting point is itself is wishful. We often extol something that we call personal integrity. This means, “I don’t touch money”. Yet I have a pocket that you could put this in.

If money has changed hands for the nuclear liability bill, Manmohan who was championing this, is tainted. How can he claim impeccable personal integrity? Who cares, if the money did not go into any of his personal account or those of his kin. A government he was stewarding has used unaccounted and ill-gotten wealth to buy votes and trounce democratic opposition. In India, there is another issue that ails the system. You are everything first before you an Indian. The only moment you are Indian first is when playing cricket against Pakistan. The Pakistanis should think so, is clear, that is indeed always the psychology of the younger delinquent son, whose fortunes have been compromised vis a vis his illustrious elder brother. He is destructive, envious and conniving. The fault lines moved, wreaked havoc – 8.9 on the Richter scale. The buildings swayed yet did not collapse. The quality of construction was so good. The damage in Japan was due to the Tsunami, ie. the water not the earthquake. Do recall, there was an earthquate in Bhuj. Just 6.9 on the Richter scale and all of Bhuj saving some buildings of the Airforce was razed to the ground. This is corruption too. 3G / Adarsh / CWG, they have just got highlighted. Pick up anything, you will find a scam. Police and army bharti ( selection at Sepoy Level ), liquor licenses, the list is endless, and most honest or their offices or their parties are beneficiaries of this slush income.

The Children of Tutakhamun

It was one of my usual business trips when I try and cover all contiguous markets to save time and money. So from Istanbul I flew Turkish Airways to Cairo. Turkish Airlines was an accidental yet a good surprise.

Infact I had protested to HRG Sita my travel agent why they put me on Turkish, an untried though Star Alliance carrier. HRG told me I had approved it. This must have been those hypnagogic moments when I say yes to many things which I believe do not merit minute attention. But as you can imagine I later regret.

But the airline was a delight. The Business class was good, hospitality I think second to may be Singapore Airlines, fare competitive and food choices enough. The Business Class was also quite sparsely populated that added to the comfort.

The day I landed in Cairo, Tunisian dictator Ben Ali had sought asylum in Saudi.
Cairo was whispering. The soothsayers predicted turmoil if not doom. The contagion of the Jasmine Revolution was deemed to take over this north African land of the Nile.

Call it determinism or the operation of the anthropic principle, the children of Tutankhamun seemed destined for a period of unrest and strife. I say anthropic as I think the conditions are determined by the outcome as much as the outcome by the conditions. The argument may sound counterintuitive on a logical plane but on a platonic one you will see it holds merit.

Well Egypt indeed bears similarities with India. The society is hierarchical. The culture is rich and ancient. Anthropomorphisation was integral to both cultures till the wave of Islamisation swept the land of Nile like it did all the contiguous lands. The only difference being that India retained its culture in some variegated form, like wine maturing in a bottle, and Egypt lost it to Islam. It took the westerners to help Egyptians recognize the science of the Giza Pyramids or the pristine nature of their cultural richness and heritage.

In fact in some respects, the rot in Egypt was evidently more than India. I traveling with my agent whose car bore the sign of the Parliament. He was hailed by a cop for overshooting the zebra at A traffic light. Noticing the sign of the Parliament on the car, the cop smiled and stepped back. In India now a days they do make a pretense of the equality before law.

Also at the entrance of the museum I got a feeling some Americans were let in with out proper identification. When I shouted/protested, the security officers were apologetic. This too was familiar. First allow in violation of a rule and upon being checked behave sheepishly, in fact the guards at the entrance thought I was some person in authority even though not Egyptian. The only difference being, that in India they would perhaps not allow foreigners without frisking but anybody in white khaddar or an I card with steel chain (a bureaucrat )they would.

HUM DONO RANGEEN

Hum Dono Rangeen

After many years I watched a movie in the theatre. They are called multiplexes today. The multiplex is not so much about the multi-screens as it is about multi-cuisine food court within.

When I was young in middle school, eating out was not considered good. Although even then, in the more westernized Indian family systems, it had started gaining some acceptance. Today if you eat at home the whole week, it is a shame
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Higher disposal incomes today are redefining mores not just in India but the emerging world at large. Just as in my grandfather’s time, eating out was a sin, causing perdition, today an outing is incomplete unless you masticate on something preferably non India, unless of course you are traveling abroad. Ironically, much as we like to eat non Indian food in India, a zealous hunt for an Indian restaurant is the top on the to-do list as soon as we land abroad.

Coming back to Hum Dono! We went, we parked and we bought the tickets and of course arranged our tray of eatables even in anticipation of the movie.

Hum Dono is a movie of my parents’ generation. It is about Captain Anand ( Devanand ) and the scintillating doppelganger Major Verma, their spouses and mothers. Thus, clearly a different genre of movie making; emphasizing on subtleties of relationships, emotions, sentiments and virtue, calling for imagination from the modern generations to relate to the scenes and storyline, and too slow for even my generation which seeks instant gratification and the younger one which finds such sentimentality at best risible.

So on one side where there was so much sentimentality on the celluloid, there was lot of family dynamics to be experienced in the rows behind and in front. Indians, gregarious as they are, they are also immensely family centric. They love connecting with other members of family. So they go to view movies in groups. They like idea of movie more than the movie. So seat exchanging and adjustments are continuously happening. Sometimes even at the hazard of your hair being pulled by some panic grip of your head rest for restoring balance in the dark. They also want their moneys worth and hence wish all of the family to understand should something be subtle and not so obvious, so continuous prompting is a standard practice.

Hum Dono treats amongst others the ‘61 military engagement with China, so there are staccato bursts of gunfire between the platoon of the wiry Devanand and Chinese troops on the screen in front tuned on modern Dolby sound. But behind me was the chomp chomp chomp of Nachos. I curse Mexicans for this gift. The gunfire stopped but chomp chomp lasted through out as today the munching is not confined to the intervals.

If business is ignored, then the movie cannot be afforded and hence cell phones kept ringing and many busy people continued to transact business also much as they continued to translate the subtle portions for their spouses. On top, if this was not enough, there was a family with two children. Their chuckle was undying.

Jai ho.

THE BURDEN OF THE DYNASTY

Just like every individual every country also has a destiny. And every destiny has a burden. And every burden has a cost. An integral burden of India’s destiny is the Nehru-Gandhi family. And the cost of this burden has been immense down the ages.

Nehru was a man in a hurry. He did indeed have “miles and miles to go before he slept”. In his eagerness to acquire a global stature he blundered many times at home. Nonetheless, something that he did fool proof and none of his peers (some like Sardar and Bose were with even better credentials) could was to institutionalize a process that would continue to anoint his heirs to the throne he would vacate.

To me the Nehru family is a big liability. A bigger liability is our mentality to let it stay at the helm of the country killing the essence of the democratic process. The country has returned to them much more than the sacrifice that they made. Game is being laid for Rahul to be the next prime-minister. Our current PM (a very learned man) is perpetually supplicating to the matron willing to bow out in favor of Rahul upon signal of the matronly Sonia.

Rahul is of course a very eligible prime ministerial candidate. He has now even lived in a dalit home and broken bread with them in all earnest. He is serious about becoming the PM. He has equated RSS to SIMI. He has always shown great understanding of this lands variegated culture, and now courtesy Wikileaks he has even shown great networking skills by sending an SMS to Obama that Hindu terror is a bigger threat than the perpetrators of 9/11.

The matron of course has on many occasions in the past given many positions of public power a go by as her primary objective is to see her son in saddle in a bid to preserve the dynasty than usurp power for herself. In fact, it is best to have authority without any accountability as she does. In India, Prime Ministerial berth can be manipulated. The democratic system shall not have the option to decide.

The politicians and even bureaucrats have this uncanny capability to dismember good institutions, even emasculate them and give political masters reasons and means to constrict any form of opposition.

I very clearly remember my mother tell me a story how Gen JN Chaudhary one of the best soliders that this country had, opposed Nehru (some people say JNC even threatened Nehru with house arrest) just out of disgust at the stupid decisions that he was taking in the context of both Pakistan and the China. Nehru with the support of Krishna Menon dismembered the institution of Joint Chief which threatened his unencumbered sway on the country.

Just about when the Indian forces got their act in order in JnK and started the process of recouping the land lost to Pakistan inch by inch, Nehru dug his heels and pulled the troops back. What a disaster!

Indira did make some gains at the Simla pact but failed to get LoC recognized as the international border despite the release of 90,000 prisioners of war. Again, Nehru despite internal and American warnings refused to see the irredentist designs of the Chinese in the Nefa.

Indira Gandhi clearly did integrate Nefa as Arunachal - first as a UT and then as a full fledged state - but the same could not be done with Kashmir. Again Nehru made a blunder of escalating Kashmir to the UN and agreeing to plebiscite.

Of course the integration of Arunanchal was much simpler, as the local population was not muslim. If NEFA had been predominantly muslim may be government would not have liked to integrate it. I think all governments work on the premise, probably unfounded, that Muslims are not Indians. Else how can hanging the joker who masterminded the Parliament blasts in which so many people were killed be construed to hurt muslim sentiments. Most quarters believe this to be the reason for the case to drag. I don’t speak for Muslims but I cannot imagine why their sentiment would be so sinfully parochial.

May be the signal intended is that no matter what you do, till you vote for us, we will turn a blind eye to what you do even if it is defiling the sanctum sanctorum of democracy – the Parliament. Of course, any group of citizens will like this special treatment, why only the Muslims. That the muslim brotherhood enjoys this and also uses to propagate the fear psychosis is another matter. But clearly one aberration that the muslims must rectify is their propensity to cast block vote. They must cast with their mind on not based on Fatwa.

Something is wrong with me

Something is wrong with me

My Grandfather was wont to deprecate himself a lot and would often blame himself for things that sometimes he was not even remotely connected with. This would always bemuse me. Till one day he narrated another very interested anecdote which for me did shed light on his psyche.

It was about Vinoba Bhave, the Gandhian to the core, and no less a Mahatma than the Mahatma himself. The man who walked endlessly day on day, four times the circumference of the earth to collect to distribute amongst the landless, 4 million acres of land taken from landlords. No mean achievement, nay a gargantuan achievement in a country where land is scarce, where the system is feudal and status is tied and even measured in terms of ownership of land.

This peripatetic saint - Vinoba Bhave, and I say peripatetic, as I too am, like most of my English medium educated friends are bound by the limitations of western rationalism which would never comprehend Tapa - had walked to a mofussil town in UP.

Vinoba once reached a school and demanded to use the play ground of the school for holding his Bhoodan meeting. Overawed by Vinoba, the principal agreed. But it being a government school, just to be on the safe side, he called up the District Inspector of Schools (DIOS) for a formal approval. This “kaan me baat daalna” and that too post facto, is as you can see not a new phenomenon with bureaucrats, and is a pre-existing condition with them. The DIOS cited some fine print of the rule book denying use of government schools for political purposes and reprimanded the principle for allowing the saint the venue.

On learning that he had been equated with political parties, this saint imbued with righteous indignation stood under a tree and started slapping himself. Panicking, the DIOS reported the matter to his superior - my grandfather - who unlike the others was alien neither to Vinoba’s stature nor to his ways - who rushed to the venue of this melodrama. Sorry, Vinoba's tree of penance.

Vinobas was cursing and blaming himself, muttering, “there must be something wrong with me, that the DIOS equated my cause to a political one”. And he would not relent. It was quite a while before my grandfather, diminutive in stature to the Gandhian, but a man of significant erudition and indefatigable spirit himself, could finally calm the saint. Interestingly, he had to resort to slapping himself, as the deeply offended saint would not give in to anything less than his own remedy.

Vinoba was personification of Tapa which was inspiring Dana and even Tyaga. His Tapa was urging people to donate land. He was also a man who would internalize the blemishes external to him and try to heal them from within.

In a land that gave birth to him and many greater than him, how could we have thieves all around now.

A Full Circle?

A Full Circle

My favorite refrain for many years - when Bihar will become Magadha, India will become Bharat. As CEO, an activity that I keenly pursue is attending conferences. All my other colleagues are always neck deep in work to do so. And conference after conference I notice two penchants of speakers - one, to dissect and descant upon the story of a precariously poised India at crossroads, debating on the Hamletian dilemma of to grow rapidly or not to grow so rapidly and two, to compare India with China. These speakers who look at India from a typically onlooker standpoint see India in flux, try to capture in a snapshot an ever changing panorama and then use that snapshot to hatch their very own projection of the future of India.

At one recent conference, some very successful practicing consultants crystal ball gazed and predicted that Indian Pharmaceutical companies will become increasingly local and inward looking. Based on what cues only he would know. For me this not contrarian, this is simply stupid. This is like Indian pharma retracing steps undoing the milestones already crossed.

For me there is hope. The Bihar electorate’s verdict was an enlightened one.
In India despite corruption having become a way of life, there is still a huge population of people who are honest to the book. When these people come to positions of influence and power, which is not so common - usually the important positions are usurped by their more “networked “colleagues - these men of probity do make a difference. Unfortunately the impact that they make stays mostly at the top. If the change made stays only at the top, it is not sustainable, till it percolates to the bottom. Even the impact of revolutions takes generations to set in. Slow paced transitional change takes much more. Corruption and greater than that lack of intellectual integrity or rampant intellectual infidelity are the two woes that shall continue to daunt each stride that India takes.
If corruption has to be really addressed, then retribution must be speedier. If intellectual integrity is to be inculcated, then importance of country before self has to be emphasized. For this, the kindergarten generation has to be attended. The values that they imbibe need to be different. The environment that they get should be different from what we got. The goals that they set for themselves should be different that we set for ourselves. This intervention will best be made by schools. If responsibility of values formation is left to parents, the survival instincts will dilute the intentions of even the well meaning parents. The teacher enjoys a third party legitimacy that a parent does not. Kids always view the intervention of parents as that of an interested party, till they are old enough to imbibe the purport. But if the schools have to deliver, the teachers have to be good. If the teachers have to be good, the right orientation people have to come in the teaching profession. If the good people have to come in teaching profession, then they have to sacrifice more lucrative alternative options. If they do so, then the society has to compensate them with extreme respect and reverence. In which case, our newly acquired value system needs to metamorphose quite a bit and knowledge / erudition / sacrifice or simply said adhyaatma and tyaaga have to have precedence on material wealth and attendant frivolous contraptions that announce it. Are we then returning to the rhetorical rectitude representative of the stereotype golden period “shikshak”. Will some champion of social engineering scream - Brahmanical manuvad? Do we come back a full cycle. But do we have an option?

Yellow Journalism or Crappy Journalism

Indian Media and Indian people! What should I say about both? Particularly, when I am an Indian myself and proud of being one.

Our media clearly is an armchair media. Do people like it that way? I have always argued, poor authorship is as much to blame as poor readership or viewer-ship. Media will show quality, if the viewers would demand it. If trash is generating cash, and trash being created and televised, then there is somewhere an audience that is lapping up that trash.

Well the fourth estate world-wide takes some liberties. In the late 1800s in the US, to drum up support for the war and for many sundry political issues, and of course for ramping up circulation to keep in step with the increased productivity due to mechanization of the industry as a consequence of the industrial revolution, Yellow Journalism evolved and soon became rampant.

License to Concoct
I must be pursuing 10+2. One day my mother was on her routine morning walk. Some miscreants on a Vijay Super scooter snatched her chain. Indomitable as she is, she tried to chase them. The thug riding pillion fired a shot at her from his country made hand gun. Next day Dainik Jagran carried a completely novel version with even a wrong name. If you are creative journalist, then lack of facts should not deter you in your reporting magnificence.

License to Exaggerate
I had just about become CEO and was still learning to handle the media. Often, my most innocuous discussions with some media people on the sidelines of a pharma-conference, made news the next day about which was so far removed from reality that I had a tough time answering a stream of calls from my friends in the industry who called in to verify.

License to Neglect
Of 1999, I remember, when Pakistani army rangers had crept into Kargil / Drass / Tiger hill, Indian media and lot of my friends were busy tracking a cricket match. To the media the losing Indian cricket team was more important than the soldiers dying to win the ground back from the enemy.

License to Negate
Surprisingly, the whole world has been concerned about the nuclear status of Pakistan saving those who assisted them in getting one or those still clandestinely assisting them to remain one. But the Indian media has never treated an unstable Pakistan sitting on a pile of nuclear warheads a cause for concern or alarm. We tacitly believe, Pakistan will promote terrorism but exercise restraint and responsibility as far as nuclear weapons is concerned. Nuclear weapons perhaps will not be the even the last resort. We are happy having a hot line between India and Pakistan. How counterintuitive?

Propensity to Deny
Similarly, there is no channel which reports the situation simmering in the North East. The nation may well be caught unawares in a Naxalite like cauldron. Naxalism brewing for decades was never highlighted by media. For the media like so many of us, NE is mentally perhaps not a part of India.

License to Omit
When China was creeping into parts of Arunanchal, the media was busy covering frivolous controversies about the newly nose jobbed Shilpa Shetty’s ouster from Big Brother. A turn off from such programming can be the best reprimand to a media with completely skewed priorities. But we don’t do that. We lap up all the frivolous content they create. We prefer to hear the abusive language that a demented Salman uses for a compromised Aishwarya, his ex-girlfriend on a phone tap.

License to re-define Mores
Pelvic thrusts are no longer considered vulgar. Item numbers can be shown in news hours. Sexual innuendos don’t suffer the scissors of the editors. Family talk shows like Coffee with Karan could have embarrassing anecdotes and awkward questions. The latest obsessions of all channels today is a gyrating Sheena (the item number of Ms Kaif ), or Liz Hurley - Shane affair.

License to Judge a-priori
The media is very quick to pass judgements even before having facts in place. The assumptions used are simple. All politicians are corrupt. Their kids are always delinquent. Men in uniform are higher on integrity than civilians. Doctors are in sensitive. South Indians a black. Punjabis are aggressive but good at heart. Hindus are communal. Muslims are terrorists. Bigger vehicles will mow smaller ones. American are high handed.

License to Sensationalize / Jeopardize
The media greatly comprised the Indian commandoes’ strategy by showing minute details on television which greatly helped the Pak based handlers of terrorists holed up in Taj on 26/11. Very recently, the media also sensationalized the story of a Sikh diplomat being subjected to pat down search at an US Airport. Barkha Datta was made famous by her Kargil coverage. But we here she had compromised the safety of an infantry unit by her reporting.

Power of Media : I don’t believe media has power per se. It is the power of the mass opinion they can mobilize or sometimes the mass hysteria that they can whip up. The power of media is power of that anonymous man who is actually on his own is quite powerless. But the opinion of this common, faceless man living in anonymity somewhere has immense power.
But often media personalities, who are merely carriers of this opinion feel they themselves wield the power. Barkha Dutts beware. Ramchandra Shukla and Shyamsunder Dass were pioneers of Hindi journalism. They died paupers. How come modern journalists have so much money?

Ratan Tata's Fall from Grace

Ratan’s fall from Grace

One of the people from the corporate world that I greatly admired was Ratan Tata. I feel that India as a country does not recognize in full measure the contribution that industry captains like him bring to the country.

But latest revelations, his dialog with a go - between, rather dalal like Kenya born Nira Radia has been a big disappointment for Tata fans like me. I could believe that Ratan Tata would deign to discuss evening gowns with a woman who is today understood as a lobbyist till more skeletons are dug out.

Rajeev Chandrashekhar exposes Ratan Tata and the latter retorts with a sting and some uncharacteristic sarcasm. The purportedly shy and reticent Tata, who has usually shown restraint, poise and savoir faire in his public interface till date, now smitten, is eschewing his trademark reticence for pugilism.

I only pray, my second icon of industry – yet another person I idolize as much as Ratan Tata - Narayanmurthy - is not caught in such a blaze, having an obnoxious “business discussion” with a wheeler dealer. That too of the opposite sex – Nira Radia…. What is in the sex? If till date people refer to Kiran Bedi as the first lady IPS, or Naina Lal Kidwai as the first lady from HBS, then there is something in the sex beyond sex.

In my perspective, it is a slosh. Perhaps an indelible one on Tata. And if 1937 Mumbai born Tata is to live the legacy of the Paris born JRD even in some measure or even redeem the equity that he had over a life time himself built, he must – I don’t know how to say in English – stay Maun ( Sanskrit) . The court proceeding slotted for DEC 13, for staying the publication of tapes would actually pull his moderate indiscretion into even greater limelight, which at this juncture is best avoidable.

The moot point is the invasion of privacy. For public figures what is privacy? In return for the pedestal that people install you on, they need to know all that you stand for even in your private life. In return for the love and adoration they shower on you, they need to know whether you indeed are worthy of that. It is for this reason that they lap up all that comes in public domain about the private life of their icon and spend precious dining table hours debating and dissecting the motive of their icons indiscretion. Nobody is interested in knowing whats on in my private life.

Just imagine, what a let down for people like me, who are votaries of a Bharat Ratna for Ratan and also of his candidature for presidency of the country. Of course, the tapes not withstanding, if Pratibha Patil could become the president of India, any one can, but from my perspective, Tata could have been in the league of Kalam, and not a Patil like protégé of some Sonia whose claim to fame is by virtue of marriage to a man, whose claim to fame inturn was by virtue of birth in a particular family. But that thinking is now past.

He is a Peoples' Man

I have always believed, when Bihar will regain the glory of Magadha, India will regain the glory of Bharat.
The tilt in favor of Nitish is more than most of us expected. Yet I am not excited. In fact very disappointed. Nitish did manage a more than 2/3 majority, but Lalu still got 25 pct of the votes polled. Can you imagine a man who for 15 years looted Bihar, promoted nepotism, used the state machinery to sponsor lawlessness and terror, ran a kidnapping racket still polls 25 pct of votes. How skewed would the priorities of people who voted for him be.

Psephologists are ecstatic, as they got it right. The well meaning people are happy as good has triumphed over fraud and evil. But happiness is completely contingent on the reference frame. The moment you think that India is still a country that is 178th in the world on the Human Development Index, it is a backward country, still reveling in defunct institutions like caste, then of course you have come a long way. But the moment you look at India as a country with a glorious past and one poised for a glorious future, the elections’ is disappointing outcome.

While many Indians like to believe they are materially backward, but philosophically very enlightened and elite, it is clearly not borne out by the fact that their democratic system keeps a patron of corruption like Lalu in power for 3 terms. Their democratic system tolerates a scam stricken demitting CM to install his wife as the surrogate CM.

My disappointment notwithstanding, clearly the result actually establishes victory of earnestness, honesty, dedication and good governance on corruption and nepotism, chicanery and social engineering, the latter being actually a euphemism for casteism.

Macro indicators show an unbelievable change in the entire eco system of Bihar. Roads have begun to exist. Petrol pumps function more honestly. Hospitals are well appointed to treat patients. State sponsored kidnappings have stopped. Girls feel safe post sunset. Goondas don’t flout the laws with same impunity. Police stations lodge reports and are not just places for drying striped underwears.

I remember, Nitish as a very humble man. Once with my son who was still very small then, I was at the N Delhi railway station. Nitish Kumar then the railway minister was returning to Delhi by train. In India the aides of a VIPs deem it their personal failure if their master has to walk a few steps. So cars are parked so as snugly as possible and as farther as they can reach to the arrival lounges, to facilitate the transfer often inconveniencing people. Infact someone foreign to the system would feel that in India all VIPs are handicapped may be. So, this time was no exception. His car was parked in such a manner that it straddled the entire entrance stairway. I was furious and shouted at his driver. The gunners felt outraged at the sight of a common man talking upto them and surrounded me. Meanwhile Nitish Kumar arrived and upon learning the cause he apologized to me. He did not need to do that. He took one step more and snubbed his henchmen for the rowdy behavior. What should I say. He is a peoples' man.

I Heckled and then Walked Out

The First Heckle

The Comedy Store was started sometime in the late 70s atop a strip club in SOHO, London, I suppose inspired by the comedy theatres of USA. This company has a franchise in India also operating out of a posh mall in Parel, Mumbai.

The outfit claims to be a temple for stand up comedians and it is said that there is no stand up comedian worth his salt who has at some point of time not performed at the Comedy Store.

So I was there, casually dressed, actually ill-dressed, in a white T Shirt hidden beneath a dark blue cotton sweat shirt. The crowd that I saw was defying the stereotype of theatre goers that I had in mind as I would usually see at the Prithvi theatres. The kurta, jeans and sachel was completely missing, and the neo rich, most pretentious Hinglish speaking anglophile crowd populated the waiting lounge cum bar. The men were in skin tight shiny shirts and the women were of course in short skirts. There was enough flesh to ogle at while groups transacted flirtatiously over drinks in the bar. Presumably, more money is made in the bar than the show.

The show anchor was himself a stand up comedian. There were three more in the line for the performance including one Indian.

Stand up comedy too like most arts has been evolving. It started as a racist and regionalist wet and wild humor. But eventually this genre with overt racist content was considered to be in poor taste and passed into desuetude in due course. Today, the standard of stand up in many cases degenerated into ill appointed sexual innuendoes. Although I agree, it is healthy to laugh, and it is even more healthy to laugh on your ownself. But standards or yardsticks have to be uniform. If comedians constantly make fun of your country, religion and culture and not theirs it is really laughing at others and not at themselves.

But the show which began as a satire on Indians and all that was Indian, and all that India stood for, soon degenerated into sexual innuendoes and eventually pornography. We did witness a detailed depiction of a priapic lover fornicating and then masterbating as his woman was turned off by the air mattress they had at their home. Pathetic humor. Actually no humor. And even more pathetic content. But what was noteworthy was the fact that the audience laughed their intestines out even at such a crass depiction that was clearly and overly offensive for even boorish sensibilities. What was most disappointing was the females seemed to be enjoying the filth much more than their male companions. May be brazenness is yardstick for emancipation.

Also, nobody seemed to be uncomfortable about the fun that was being made of the country, its culture and history, and of course of Indians in India and also the diaspora.
The audience just laughed. When I objected with vehemence to one of the extremely pejorative remark of a comedian about the country which I believed was completely uncalled for, he thought it was a typical heckle and tried to target his buffoonery at me.

Comedian : what do you do sir
Heckler ( me ) : I work for a pharma company
C : what do you do in the company, sweep the floor
H : yes housekeeping is also one of the functions reporting to me
C : you look very elite, you must be a brain surgeon
H : you bet
Man fm the audience : ( who was like me disgusted by these comedians) he can repair your penis that you wife crushed with a brick ( as this was one of the acts that the joker had done )

From the audience which would have been about 300 strong, I think there was just one more man both literally and proverbially who reacted to the stupid comedy. One stand up comedian even referred to the Tata acquisition of JLR as reverse racism. Just look at the mind set.

Of course, the ultmate insult that I could have hurled at the performers was to stage a walk out. I don’t think an artist could find anything more dejecting and disparaging than being booed or walked out upon from his performance. That is exactly what I did.

The question that I would pose is this. Can Indian stand up comedians travel to UK and reverse the humor on the British audience? Would the British audience be able to stomach such humor on themselves? In what capacity was the audience laughing then.
But one thing I am clear about. Xenophobia not withstanding, Indians will have to bring in some sense of self - worth, pride and propriety about their culture, country and history. Material progress without them would be futile.

Now I Know India is Great

Now I know Mera Bharat Mahan

Now I know for sure. India is truly a great country. I have no doubt anymore.
The president of United States has said so, and he can’t be wrong. Particulary the self effacing Obama who conjures in me images of my favorite Vulcan of Star Trek - Spock - who spoke nothing but truth.

Indian culture is great. The president of the United States has said so, and the first lady has gyrated on a Kholi number. No bigger vindication for a nation begging approval of the West.

I personally believe that Obama is a well meaning man but Americans will ensure he fails, just to establish, they gave a black guy a fair chance on the highest ideals of equality of opportunity and democratic values, but as a community they are not yet equipped enough to lead America and thereby the world.

I am now also convinced that Swami Vokanad (sic) aka Vivekananda was a great Swami visiting the hometown of Obama - Chicago - although I don’t think he succeeded in establishing Hinduism as the greatest religion as many of us like to believe because Obama did not say so. Or did he?

Seeing Michelle I always feel, she is a dominatrix. While the stressed first black president of USA slogs to redeem the pledge that he made to the people who voted him to power, Michelle does all fun stuff flaunting her sartorial sense ( which at least I believe is bizarre ) and outings. To me she gives Govinda a run with her acute sartorial sense.

In addressing the joint session of the parliament, I think Obama had his tryst with the most corrupt of politicians of the world under one roof. May be some dictators in Africa or Latin America could beat the Indians in corruption, but collectively, the Indians will be clear winners. Many Indian politicians could even buy the Queen of England hands down or tease Warren Buffet at his own game.

He also saw how the most vibrant and largest democracy appoints a President whose only claim to fame is being close to the first family. The Prime Minister has not faced the electorate but is generally perceived as a safe stop gap arrangement ruling as regent till the prince Rahul is of age. Although, an avid commentator may in a saccade of the eye on the American political firmament gloat on parallels like Palin or Bush himself. But that is no savior.

Obama and I would say America all of sudden remembered that India discovered the zero. May be in the next trip, economic compulsions would force him to recognize ancient India’s contribution to astronomy, science, medicine and philosophy also one by one.

Battling constantly falling rating at home, I don’t know how much Obama will gain returning to America with an applauding India on his back and India which was no longer emerging but an “emerged” economy.

Joe the Plumber

Joe the Plumber

Curiously, stupid questions but put to famous people could make you famous and therefore Joe the Plumber was no exception. Almost as famous as being at the helm of US Fed in a recession or marrying a spouse who is famous would make you.

But what is critical is the fact that the Plumber did question. And who. None other than a candidate running for presidency. How many societies in the modern world today encourage such debate and accountability. And we Indians despite having had an age old tradition of questioning and debating, reasoning and rationalizing, seem to of have abandoned such cognitive pursuits. Of course questioning has its own perils. Had it not been for the audacity of questioning, Ashtāvakra would have been born without deformities, perhaps the world would have known him with a different name too.

But in modern India, can even the most powerful today dare ask, how Sonia Gandhi runs her house. The very thought would be blasphemy. Why Z level security cover is deemed essential for Robert Wadra. How much wealth a Pawar or Mayawati possesses.

Even during the rule of descendants of Raghu, a petty washerman could question the legitimacy of a legendary King and Maryada Purshottam Ram’s decision to restore Sita. Saktar and Chanakya could question the mighty Nanda. Today, my wife a civil servant questioned probity and demeanor unbecoming of officers of some her bureaucrat colleagues, and many of her well wishers cautioned her to stop “rubbing people on the wrong side.” From childhood, we are coached to not call spade a spade. Not be abrupt. Not raise our voice against injustice and corruption. Not to question the system. Also how feeble our voice would be against the entire system. But in the same vein we are also taught lessons in diligence and industriousness that would either catapult us to an orbit where we will be beyond the corruption or be a beneficiary of the malaise than a victim.

Today in modern India, we are quite wary of un-ruffling feathers or as we prefer to say, rubbing people on the wrong side. The children of Vedas, Brahmanas and Upanishads, where the axiomatic Pari Prashnen was the fundamental basis of learning and wisdom, today desist questioning. What a 180 deg we have done. Increasingly I have a feeling, more than lack of national character, which has been my favorite theory for the ills of India ( and I sometimes recommend compulsory NCC as a remedy ) it is the withering of the tradition of questioning that is responsible for the all round rot.

May be, this blind allegiance to a diktat or acquiescing to organized malpractices was an outcome of Islamic rulers overrunning the country. India is perhaps the singular exception where Islamic rulers overran the country but Islam couldn’t. Of course, the monolithic system of Islamic tradition, did not allow any questioning. Questioning Allah or quoran was clearly punishable blasphemy. Just about when this system was collapsing under its own irrationality or due to fatigued armies - fatigued not from denuded military superiority but for want ideological sustenance, the land saw a similar onslaught in the form of British where the guiding force was even more vicious commerce instead of religion. It is true, post Power Loom west made immense material and philosophical progress, and it was simply for that reason, many of them realized in no time, that they had ahead of them a task to exploit a civilization - India that had not so long ago been far superior to theirs.

Then this gargantuan task was not to be achieved by military supremacy alone, but with a definitive politico – cultural strategy where establishing cultural superiority of the western thought and tradition was integral to long term protection of politico-military hegemony and commercial interests. Commercial gains would not be sustainable without political hegemony. India even today is wallowing in the travails of such systematic thinking, loot and plunder and worse still even after independence, when the Burra sahib has been merely replaced by the brown sahib. While political independence has been clearly achieved the mental yoke continues to plague us.

May be if the generation of our children will have more Joe the Plumbers, we could overthrow the yoke of the 1000 years of thraldom and make real progress.